Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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