I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize