Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I faked an abortion last night.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize