If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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