All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
