We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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