There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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