there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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