my phone needs a breathalizer
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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