Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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