As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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