when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
