Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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