And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
