Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
