Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
