Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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