I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
this hospital has no fireball
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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