I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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