I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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