didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
