We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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