Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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