We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
