i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
