i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
