I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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