sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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