Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
