my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
