dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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