Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
