but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
