Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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