dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
