I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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