You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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