Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
