i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
