google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
