What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
