just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She told me I should be a condom model.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
