I wish my penis had an off switch
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
