I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
