so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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