Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
