dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
