You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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