oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
