So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
