took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
