You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
