Ambien. No doubt about it.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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