after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my shit smells like andre
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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