I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
