He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
