either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Randomize
