If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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