Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
