I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Randomize
