Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
