I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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