I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Your dad touched me again.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Holy sore nipples Batman
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
