Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
