Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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