I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
