Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
