So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
