I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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