When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
