where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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