Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
