Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
