Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
