their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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