Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
