i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
