Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
