he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
then he tried to convert me to islam
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
