if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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