so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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