I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize