well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
