you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
