yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Randomize
