Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
