Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
