i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
