Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize