I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
vagina is talking i cant
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
