HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
