Where is the hickey?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
