It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
