Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
