hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
