I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
