Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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