Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
