He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
