After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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