saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
