JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you didnt know i had herpes?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
